Be here now, no other place to be.

The title is a lyric from a Mason jennings song I dig that I use here in a somewhat ironic way. Couldn't think of a link. I'm beat.

Wow, where the hell have I been? Actually I have been so busy that I've wanted to write and just haven't gotten to. Mission Trip, visit to Texas, next Camp, then Mission Trip with Texas crew ahead. I haven't been this tired in a long while, but here we go again.

So I thought as a way to have posted I'd share the Bible Study I put together for the Mission Trip. You can do them yopurself, glance at them, share them, or ignore them altogether. I understand.

Day One
June 12, 2006

Disconnection

Lighting the Candle

Check-in Questions

Best part of today?

Who is the love of your life?

Music for Meditation

Suite for Cello in G Major Prelude
By Yo Yo Ma

Be Here Now
By Mason Jennings

Be here now, no other place to be
Or just sit there dreaming of how life would be
If you were somewhere better
Somewhere far away from all your worries
Well here you are
Be here now, no other place to be
All the thoughts that haunt you, just set them free
And let good things happen
And let the future come into each moment
Like a rising sun
You are the love of my life
Yeah, you know you are
The sun comes up and we start again
It's all here for you
All you have to do
Is be here now
Be here now, no other place to be
All the thoughts that haunt you, just set them free
And let good things happen
And let the future come into each moment
Like a rising sun
You are the love of my life
Yeah, you know you are
The sun comes up and we start again
It's all here for you
All you have to do
Is be here now

Words for Meditation

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. Anais Nin

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Prayer

Extinguishing the Candle




















Day Two
June 13, 2006

Evolution

Lighting the Candle

Check-in Questions

Best part of today?

How have you grown in the last year?

Music for Meditation

Suite for Cello in G Major Allemande
By Yo Yo Ma

El Otro Lado
By Josh Rouse

You called me up this evening
Cause you wanted to know what's going on
You give me ultimatum
Cause you don't want to feel you are wrong
And I tell you that some folks don't evolve
They're content with what they've got
They just sit back and they watch TV
You talked about September
Fought about your tastes, they were all mine
What did you know anyhow
When you said I'm lost but there's still time
And I tell you that some folks don't evolve
They're content with what they've got
They just sit back and they watch TV
Yeah I tell you that some folks don't evolve
They're content with what they've got
They just sit back and they watch TV
Yeah but that's not me
But one day you'll come around to see the other side of things
One day you'll come around to see the other side of things
Yes you will
You'll come around to see the other side of things
You'll come around to see the other side of things

Words for Meditation

All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous, unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. -Henry Miller

But if you will look to God and plead with the Almighty,
if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf
and restore you to your rightful place. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be. Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow. Will they not instruct you and tell you? Will they not bring forth words from their understanding? Can papyrus grow tall where there is no marsh? Can reeds thrive without water? While still growing and uncut, they wither more quickly than grass. Job 8:5-12

Prayer

Extinguishing the Candle





















Day Three
June 14, 2006

Destination

Lighting the Candle

Check-in Questions

Best part of today?

What did you want to be when you were a little kid?

Music for Meditation

Suite for Cello in G Major Courante
By Yo Yo Ma

Which Way Your Heart Will Go
By Mason Jennings

Little airplane in the sky
You point up at it
I watch your face as you watch it go by
Everything is perfect
Where would I be right now
If all my dreams had come true
Deep down I know somehow
I’d have never seen your face
The world would be a different place
Darling there’s no way to know
Which way your heart will go
Summer sun on a sandy sky
Silver swing set shining
How can life feel so alive
And still feel like dying?
Where would I be right now
If all my dreams had come true
Deep down I know somehow
I’d have never seen your face
The world would be a different place
Darling there’s no way to know
Which way your heart will go
Stack of books beside our bed
Living out of boxes
Why does the empty space fill with dread?
Why does change still shock us?
Where would we be right now
If all our dreams had come true
Deep down I know somehow
I’d have never seen your face
The world would be a different place
Darling there’s no way to know
Which way your heart will go
Which way your heart will go
Which way your heart will go

Words for Meditation

We would rather be ruined than changed;
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die.
-W.H. Auden

Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: "Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say. These men are not drunk, as you suppose. It's only nine in the morning! No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy. I will show wonders in the heaven above and signs on the earth below…” Acts 2:14-19

Prayer

Extinguishing the Candle





Day Four
June 15, 2006

Salvation

Lighting the Candle

Check-in Questions

Best part of today?

How do you save someone’s life?

Music for Meditation

Suite for Cello in G Major Sarabande
By Yo Yo Ma

How to Save a Life
By The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

Words for Meditation

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
~Author Unknown

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.” Luke 9: 24-27

Prayer

Extinguishing the Candle

































Day Five
June 16, 2006

Unification

Lighting the Candle

Check-in Questions

Best part of today?

Music for Meditation

Suite for Cello in G Major Menuett and Gigue
By Yo Yo Ma

We’re All In This Together
By Ben Lee

Woke up this morning
I suddenly realised
We’re all in this together
I started smiling
Cause you were smiling
And we’re all in this together
I’m made of atoms
You’re made of atoms
And we’re all in these together
And long division
Just doesn’t matter
Cause we’re all in this together
Yeah
I saw you walking
In the city
We’re all in this together
The cities changing
Cause we are changing
And we’re all in this together
Every 12 seconds
Someone remembers
That we’re all in this together
In the kitchen
Of your rent controlled apartment
We’re all in this together
Come on baby
I don’t mean to rush you
I only wanted
To reach out and touch you
I’ve got to start
To open my heart
I know you think about
Jumping ship before it sinks
But we are all in this together
Ask a scientist
It’s quantum physics
We are all in this together
And on the subway
We feel like strangers
But we’re all in this together
Yeah I love you
And you love her and she loves him
But we are all in this together
You know baby
There’s never been protection
In all the history
Of human connection
Come on darling
It’s alright to show me
You don’t ever need to be lonely
Once you start
To open your heart
I saw you crying
I started crying
Cause we’re all in this together
And then religion
It’s a big decision
But we’re all in this together
Yeah we are all in this together
We’re all in this together
We’re all in this together
We’re all in this together
We are all in this together
We’re all in this together
We’re all in this together
We are all in this together
In this together
We are all in this together
We’re all in this together
We are all in this together
We are all in this together

Words for Meditation

This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. It is, instead, the end of the beginning. -Winston Churchill

I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin. For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets. -Anonymous

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28: 16-20

Prayer

Extinguishing the Candle

We are all in this together. (My faith has been restored...Part I)

This title is a lyric by Ben Lee, song of the same name, off his Awake is the New Sleep CD. I saw him in concert a couple weeks ago. More on that in a coming blog. Check him out by clicking the title.

My faith has been restored IN HUMANITY

Part of my hiatus away from Exposing My Thorns was spent in New York City on a vacation with my mom. We were in the city for about four days and then visited family in New Jersey. I have forgotten as much as I'll tell. This has been a crazy busy 30 days and if it's possible the next will be busier. There were three moments I need to share that have stuck out in the three weeks and couple days since my return.

Over the brink of it
Picture it--think of it,
Dissolute man.
Live in it--drink of it
Then, if you can.
- Thomas Hood, Bridge of Sighs

First, my mom and I got drunk with some sailors! It was fleet week in NYC while we were there and we ended each night at the pub in the basement of the hotel we stayed in. The first night it was pretty packed and so we wound up sitting at a table with three Navy boys on shore leave. I was struck with how young they seemed to me, even the one I knew was older. Their lives were much simpler than mine. My life seemed so focused on such a large thing-God and faith and heliping others in their journey, while they seemed focused on their one task, conciously removed from their chain of thinking its larger implication. Perhaps that is neccessary, you tell yourself, "I am the target coordinator" so as not to remind yourself you're the one aiming at another vessel full of young men or a target on shore. It must be a heavy thing and they must simplify the large thing down to a graspable specific. And so while I was in the city to see its sites and take in its culture, their primary objective was to get drunk and if possible sleep with a girl they could brag about sleeping with. This may seem immoral and my mom certainly was sad that the one married kid who she really liked was after a lady, but I was strangely cool with it. I guess I rationalized that if I were to give of my life for others, take the better part of my youth on a ship with other guys ready to go to war and give my life at any minute for my country, a small price to be paid would be a meaningless port night with a willing hopefully pretty woman.

About 3 a.m., after an officer in the British Royal Navy exposed his 'dingy' to us, I flirted with a girl from Mississippi, it came out that 'Debbie' was my mom and not my girlfriend, and we watched as one of their shipmates dove into a pack of wild boot wearing overweight dog-ladies who were too willing even for sailors and laughed, mom and I decided to call it a night. As were saying goodbye, the young sailor that my mom especially liked shooked my hand and looked me square in the eye and said, 'Thanks for hanging out with us.' I knew he meant it. I knew it meant a lot.

I don't know what posesses a kid to give up the first few years of adulthood or the last few of childhood to military service. I was either never that patriotic, that trusting, or that poor. I can't say that seeing the drunken willing promiscuers in uniform made me feel safer or more confident in the military. I wasn't blown away with their courage or mettle. They seemed like scared lonely kids to me. What it did help me realize is that sometimes the part we play requires our anonymity. Later in the week I would hear of the man my grandfather was after his Navy years. What would I thought of him if I'd met him in uniform in some far away port from his home? I was struck with how much the part I play, the parts most of us play requires our personalities and our lack of anonymity. I am J.D. Rose, the youth leader, camp director, singer, preacher, and occasional blogger. All of my roles arrive with my personage and end when I leave it. Even sitting in a bar and talking is born of who I am and sustained by what I bring to it. There are certainly others who can do what I do. I am not indispensable. But I am what I am and I alone am responsible for my actions. This is probably why I would have made a bad soldier or sailor. I'd have wated to know what that target was. I had no cheesy epiphany about what I could do to help the servicemen of this country, by writing letters or whatever so they aren't lonely. I had no delusions of entering public office to ensure they were never placed in harm's way. Those ideas were too big at the time. I was washed over with contentment that I am living this life. I was consumed with contentment for who I am and prayed that night that those sailors, my mom, and all people just came to terms with the choices they had to make.

I kept on thinking that they were indeed making a sacrifice, and as much as anything else, they sacrificed their identity.

The awareness that we are all human beings together has become lost in war and through politics. - Albert Schweitzer

Perhaps one day gave way to the next thematically. Our second day in NYC we decided to be as touristy as possible and climbed aboard a double decker bus and took around touring the city. The first time we got out was at St. Paul's Chapel, a block from where the World Trade Center buildings stood. The chapel has survided and has become a place fo prayer and therapy for the survivors and mourners of 9/11.
The area where the World Trade Center buildings stood is no longer accessible, they have the subway built already and they have begun work on the new Trade Center. St. Paul's though is an extremely powerful place. It has a fenced in cemetery out back and that fence was once covered with well wishes and prayers. The chapel has an almost museum display of what its been through in the last few years. And it has an amazing past as well. St. Paul's Chapel was the church where George Washington and his new givernment came and prayed the day of his inauguration. There is a boxed in pew that is plaqued as the pew he sat in that day. What I found most remarkable, was that during the days following 9/11 as the relief workers came to the aid of survivors and crews began cleaning up, St. Paul's was used as a medic station and George Washington's pew was used as a booth for physical therapists to work on people's aching feet.

Here is a symbol of the amazing history of our country and what did we use it for, one of the most basic human maladies-sore feet.

This time I was washed over with how small I was in the grand scheme of things and how little I could really do, or rather that all the things I could do were little things. I could drink and talk to lonely sailors. I could massage the feet of those who were serving. I could not stop planes in midair, evil from striking, or pain from affecting those in tragedies wake.

For a few moments I stood alone wishing there were a leader I could count on, someone trustworthy but powerful enough to reach a position of power. There are none. You can't name me a single unstached hand steering this ship. There are some that seem noble and maybe their time will come, but what I needed in that moment was someone to follow who would remind me that I wasn't alone in this life and would challenge me to remind others.

We are all prompted by the same motives, all deceived by the same fallacies, all animated by hope, obstructed by danger, entangled by desire, and seduced by pleasure.
- Samuel Johnson (a/k/a Dr. Johnson) The Great Cham of Literature

We went out alot. We saw a Boradway musical (though it was Avenue Q, as my mom put it X-rated Sesame Street), we went to a comedy club, heard some live Blues, visited a couple bars, ate some great food, did touristy stuff during the daytime. Then on Sunday we went and saw Faith Healer starring Ralph Feinnes with Ian McDiarmand and Cherry Jones. It was heady and intense, just four monologues. But I was enthralled.

If my ego ever tells me I can be an actor, please let it remind me of Ralph Feinnes in that play. Wow!

The play is about a faith healer, his wife, and manager and their lives together. He is a gifted tortured man who can never quite pass his reality off as his life or decide if their is indeed a God endowing him with this gift and everything happens for a reason or simple randomness to all and therefore what significance has truth. His wife is loyal to him above all, enduring his make believe and viscuousness until his death when she loses her own grip on reality. Their manager is an old inept British swindler who falls in love with them both and serves them each to their final breaths. The tension in the play is that someting happens when the faith healer can't heal the friend of some rough young Irish farmers. We're told early that he meets his demise and see how that changes the lives of the others.

The last flourish of monologue the faith healer realizes what has been echoed; that we must simply be in the end, what we are. He was a gifted tortured faith healer. In the last moments he realizes that everything does indeed happen for a reason and he utters his final words, "I that moment I stood before God and my future and renounced chance."

This time I was overwhelmed by how simply and beautifully the phrase was created and delivered, yet how all encompassing it was. I renounce chance. In the midst of days of worry and anticipation it helps me to know that everything truly does happen for a reason.

My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!

One of the immortal lyrics to ever spring forth from the early days of hip-hop. Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back, click the title to learn more.

My dear friend Edna, now 78, sent me this picture this morning. I laughed for twenty minutes!


Everyone have big fun this weekend!

I've been on some other planet. So come pick me up...I've landed.

Lyric/title is from the underrated Ben Folds, song called Landed. Check him out by clicking the title.

Growing up the son of a teacher then administrator and an insurance agent to work in a church I believe has left me with a unique understanding of stupidity. Perhaps that is why this sign spoke to me. Or it could be growing up a sci-fi nerd, always seeing robots, gadets, and gizmos in all my favorite shows and movies. Whatever the hook for me I hope you enjoy

THE WEEKLY INAPPROPRIATE CHURCH SIGN

Those Assemblies of God; so clever, so witty, so Swaggerty.


Well that should be a word, although not for wit.

Drive until you lose the road or break with the ones you've followed.

This is the 100th post on Exposing My Thorns. I needed it to be something meaningful. I apologize for the gap in posts, but I hope you see how important the century mark was for me.

This title is a lyric from The Fray's song How To Save A Life, which both title and meaning seemed significant to this post. Since this is largely a post about two young men finding their way, both blazing trails uncharted, this line seemed to work perfectly. Click the title to visit The Fray's website and listen to this song.

From age several breaths to eleven I had a best friend. Keith Miller. He was my opposite in many ways; scrawny where I was plump, red headed where I was dark, freckled where I was tanned, a basketball player and track star where I was a football player and couch enthusiast. We had some similarities too; we were both smart, popular, known to older kids, looked up to by younger kids, bad baseball players, sons of teachers who were coaches and golfers, Pizza and Laffy Taffy consumers and Flintstone's vitamins horders, He-Man then G.I. Joe reenacters, bully stander-uppers, student council officers, Greek dancers, Greencastle Tiger Cub fans, and similarly tortured with little sisters about the same age. He had it a little worse, he's got an older brother too.

In kindergarten we both fell in love with the same girl, Meredith Greenwald, and I relinquished my claim as a best friend does after losing the I saw her first haggle.

In third grade I lay claim to Lauren Clark (the new girl) after seeing her first, another blond beauty and Meredith's best friend, and the four of us were some kind of grade school royal family.

In fourth grade we had a plan to steal our fathers' riding lawn mowers and drive them to Boston Garden to see Larry Bird play Michael Jordan.

In sixth grade there was no doubt we ran the middle school, which is a feat I'm only slightly exaggerating if at all.

There was a bright future ahead for us of throwing the best parties, dating the best girls, going off to the best college together, and building mansions beside one another as he became a pro-basketball player and I became President.

Then I moved.

Now, I don't want this blog to become psycho-therapy for me, nor some motivational speech gone bad, so I'll simply say this. My moving from Greencastle, Indiana-home of Depauw University, suburb of Indy, community with decent schools and social outlets, miles from all my family and all my history to Milan, Indiana-a cornfield surrounded, stuck in 1954, inbred, Twilight Zoned Mayberry, with one restraunt and crappy schools, prison...remains the definiung moment in my life.

It tested every part of me in almost exhaustive ways. It was there I had my first bout with depression, although we just called it 'sad'. It was there I had my first bout with being UNpopular, though I'd never view popularity the same way again. It was there, that J.D. Rose, the kid they clapped for when he visited Greencastle Middle School a year later, became Mr. Rose's brainy chubby son in the Bugle Boy sweater and turtleneck; the least popular kid in Mr. Wall's sixth grade class at the the elementary school. I would never really be a student again. I would never really be the coolest kid again. I would never really be my daddy's boy again, my mom's innocent baby. I wept. I mourned. And I have never stopped drawing strength from the experience.

What you find when all you know is ripped from you, is who you really are.

I would go to college after sleeping through much of high school to the first place I gathered the energy to apply to, The University of Southern Indiana, to major in Radio/TV Broadcast though it would be shortlived. Keith would go to Depauw to major in Biology, a Pre-med track. We had stayed in touch, even flirted with real friendship a few times, especially the important times, but ultimately had taken different paths. Keith was still walking the one that had been ours, ruling Greencastle, dating beautiful intelligent women, going to a first-rate school on a basketball scholarship, pledging a fraternity, moving into the frat house. I'd be so bored of drinking and superficial conversation by the end of year one of college I'd convince myself to go into ministry.

And then something weird happened; Keith went to Australia, realized how boring his path was and began to start living without expectations. Always being the most loved, well respected, highly touted is as limiting a position as any. He began to start acting on his every impulse. He chased a warthog and then was chased by it. He swam in a river with crocodiles. He stayed out in the bush alone for a month through monsoons, getting only one break for a few days to worship with aborigines he'd come to know. He shut out all of the plans he'd made for himself and had been made for him...and he discovered who he really was.

I'd have put earlier lessons to work by this time, carving out a nice chunk of contribution to the world as a youth leader, putting college on hold because I didn't feel called to it. We reconnected. We were once again on similar paths. There'd be no Boston Garden or New Hampshire Primary in our futures. We were going to live the lives we wanted to live, doing what we felt we were called to do-similarly-we wanted to save people's lives, well, we wanted their lives to be better.

In Keith I have found someone I truly believe a peer, and for all my false humility, I believe I've found very few. He sees people who are sick and dying, in need of medicine. Much of my life has been spent preparing people for their bouts with sickness and death of another sort. I am awed by his life. He is awed by mine. There are only a few people I trust as much. We have this notion built into us that our lives should be filled with actions that land us in history books, not because of our ambition, but because of our contributions.

So Sunday I made a trip I was proud to make. I sat alone in the RCA Dome, where they played th Final Four and Presidential candidates have spoken, and waited for these words.

I present Dr. Keith Miller!!!

Before he made the stage he saw me sitting in the crowd, uninvited, unexpected, and as we subtlely pointed to one another, tears glistened in two sets of eyes. When I made it to him on the floor following commencement he said I 'didn't need to come' and I replied, 'There's only one friend I've got, that I've had my whole life.'

I'd see his big brother, who I'm a collosus next to, and his little sister, who still seems six to me even thought she's a bright grown woman. I'd hug his dad and mother and favorite aunt. I'd tell him how impressed I was and he'd tell me later that what I did was impressive.

In a few years or a few decades at my pace, they're gonna slap Reverend on the front of my name. I may need more time to get ready for that than Keith Miller did for Doctor, but I know at least one uninvited guest I'll not be surprised to see that day.

There have been many days I have wondered who it is I continue to become, but occasionally it is clear to me.

Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are. -Houssaye