Today begins the eighth year I've been a full-time Youth Minister!
February 23, 1999 I showed up at St. Paul's UCC West Michigan Street in Evensville, Indiana with loads of ideas, a full head of hair, and endless energy!!!
Today, I sit at my desk in Bluffton, Indiana at First UCC (soon to be renamed) with a few less ideas, no hair, and a lot less energy.
I am kind of a sentimentalist. I used to keep things for ages, little mementos like notes and party favors, and rehash that remembered emotion in some weird recapturing of my former better life. The problem with this way of approaching things is that you miss out on a lot of the emotions you could experience and inevitably, life always seems better then than now.
I am also cursed with a strong need to imagine life in fast forward, what will I be doing in blank many years I'll wonder. The problem with this way of approaching life is you never truly commit to your present one. You are the guy willing to strike up a conversation with someone on the bus, but always looking down the street for your stop. That's a weird analogy, and seeing how most of my readers have probably never ridden a city bus, not a very good one, but you know what?
We all need to live a little more!
I want to live in this moment for a minute before I overanalyze my experienced past, achieved number, and impending future.
TODAY:
I was contacted by three possible employers today. Oh, let me say first that I am not entirely sure California or seminary are in my immediate future. Perhaps we should've discussed that before now, but I'll be getting to it in a few keystrokes. But I posted my resume on a heavily trafficked youth ministry website seeing if maybe the right opportunity presented itself. Anyway, I was offered a job interview in Montana at a Methodist church, which I politely turned down. I was offered an interview for a missionary position with an outfit that puts Youth Ministers in European countries at boarding schools, which I politely expressed interest in. And I was told my resume had been forwarded on to the search committee of a Presbyterian church twelve miles from Pacific School of Religion in the San Francisco Bay area. Only the last one had I applied for, but all three were intriguing possibilities. Maybe it would be cool to spend some time in Europe. Maybe setting myself up for PSR would be a good bet. I could work full-time and go to the school I want to attend.
But...YESTERDAY
I have served as a Youth Pastor almost twice as long as I was in high school. I have served as a Youth Pastor longer than I've lived in certain towns (all but one), almost seven years longer than I've sustained a single romantic relationship, longer than I've been enrolled in college cumulatively (I know Dad, it's hard to believe), longer than Pauly Shore went without a job, longer than Mariah Carey went without a hit, and longer than the Democrats have been without an agenda or a leader.
Sidethought- Comedian Lewis Black sums up politics this way: The Democrats are a party of no ideas. The Republicans are a party of shitty ideas.
I love that.
I'm not freaking out about the sheer time I've invested. What freaks me out is the sense I have that the game that has to be played to serve a church (maybe to work with people at all) limits the good that can be done. So I can be proud of the VBSes that were done in Evansville, the six mission trips I've led, my church camps, sermons I've delivered, traditions I've started and ended, and Sunday School reimagining I oversaw, but these things seem to have taken up only half of the time I've spent burning fuel in my ministry. The best thing about serving these two churches has been the relationships I have forged, the people who call me when they're in a jam, that I would call in one, and that read my blog out of sheer love if not occasional interest. But I can't help thinking there are other paths to walk that achieve these relationships, accomplish some of the tasks I feel called to, but sidestep some of the ridiculous politics/selfish choosing/missing the Christian point that too often accompanies the church.
But seven years is a long time to have done anything at 26 years old and in all honesty I wouldn't change it. That doesn't mean I have the future figured out.
TOMORROW
I want to be a pastor.
The last thing I want to be is a Pastor.
I can think of no more fulfilling call and no more unfulfilling job.
The truth?
-I want to Pastor a church because I think there is a whole genertaion turned off by religion that tend to be the people I feel the most in tune with.
-I want to Pastor a church that seeks to help people in this life not save them in the next. I think salvation is a bargaining chip, too often a threat, and not a useful way of creating believers in the long run.
-I want to Pastor a church that seeks to ask every question of God, of the church, of The Bible not for answers but for truth and has the faith that God and whatever truth lives in the church and the scriptures can stand up to the examination.
-I want to Pastor a church that accepts people as they are and challenges them to be better people because we all can be better people instead of work for a church that says they accept people, but then tells them their sins are somehow more vile than others as a way of pushing that which they fear out of the church.
-I want to Pastor a church that doesn't read a book and respond with a program, but rather seeks to create programs that fill needs to those in need.
-I want to wear whatever I feel comfortable with to church.
-I want to talk however I really talk in church.
-I want to listen to music I would actually own in church.
-I want to Pastor a church that understands the previous three statements.
-I want to Pastor a church that cares less about how full the pews are and more about how full the experience is. I believe only one creates the other.
-I don't want to be called Reverend, Minister, Pastor, or Doctor-EVER!
-I want to be called father or daddy by my kids and when appropriate my wife.
-I want to Pastor a church that talks about sex and politics and popculture and theology and current issues.
-I want to Pastor a church that understands people learn in different ways and responds accordingly (think, workout church!).
-I want to Pastor a church that is open to all faiths, all ideas, and all people but lifts up as its measuring stick and statement of faith Jesus' assertion that there are two commandments.
-I want to Pastor a church that serves people whether they go to church or not-especially if they do not.
-I want to Pastor a church that serves people whether they have the money or not and I will never work for a church that has more than a month's worth of expenses in a saving account! This reflects little faith and survivalist thinking. Our survival is not more important than God's love.
-I want to Pastor a church that changes the community around it by being good people, not good fearmongers or better arguers, or louder lobbyists.
-I want to Pastor a church that begins a silent revolution towrad true equalities in this world. Everyone should have food, shelter, healthcare, and education.
-I want to Pastor a church that exists only in my mind.
Now here comes the impasse. Do I go forward into the 'ministry' seeking to gain the credentials of a church I would not serve to begin building the church I would? Do I give up on the church completely? Do I take a break? Do I hit the gas? Do I cast my dreams into the wind and turn to more solid pursuits? Do I...?
Luckily, these things will wait for tomorrow; these dreams that I carry. Although I am reminded by the quote the pshychic medium Edgar Cayce said:
Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.
Perhaps. I will continue to expose my thorns and stretch my roots.
1 comment:
I want to attend and worship with you at that church! Wherever it may be.
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