I'm so ronery.

Believe it or not, thanks to the creators of South Park I felt a strong bond with North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il, at least the version of him that appeared in their movie Team America. This song lyric comes from his big solo in the movie and this link will take you to that video clip. I truly could have written every word of this song, although I feel like I focus my loneliness in a healthier way.

I do get awfully lonely, although my life is full of loving relationships. It's just not the same as having someone laying next to you or standing beside you in all things. I cope. I deal. In fact I'm getting used to the independence. And let's face it, I'm still not ready.

I want to tell you about my Valentine's Day. It began just like most V-Days. I was up well into the morning writing, reading, and watching TV. Last night my TV viewing peaked (and bottomed out) with The Flavor of Love-Flavor Flav's new bachelor ripoff romance debacle. At about 5:40 I drifted off to dream land and unlike usual couldn't tell you a single dream or thought I had all night. Probably a good thing. My subconcious probably hates this day more than I do.

I woke up at noon and showered, listening to ESPN radio while I got ready like usual, which I'm finding more and more boring each day. Then it was off to the bank to cash my check. I was pumped to see I had a little more than $900 in the bank!

My next stop was to the auto mechanic. I told him I thought I needed to replace a rotar, which he said would probably run about $120 with labor. I said cool. (Because I had $900 and the only other thing I needed to pay was a $300 car payment.)

My mechanic called me about 20 minutes later and said, "J.D. you got all kinds of things wrong with this car." I trust my mechanic and have a tendeny to treat my car like crap, so I authorized putting on new brakes, rotars on both sides, a passenger front wheel bearing, and brake pads to the tune of $480 dollars.

If you're keeping score, I now have approximately $120 to live on until March 1st (luckily February is the shortest month), but I was supposed to go to Wisconsin this weekend to visit a friend and preach at his church. He is paying me $100, so I'll have that to get me there and back, eat on, and pay for the Lambeau Field tour I have been looking forward to.

It suddenly became clear I might not be able to make it to March 1st with my $120, so I called Mom and asked her to spot me $100, an action which produces a feeling I equate to being kicked in the balls.

Really, I hate asking for money.

I don't offer this as a pity plea. I would be pissed if any of you sent me money, except you Mom, I'm counting on it. I offer this story as an illustration to prove a sobering point.

There is no way I could be in a relationship right now.

What would be my Valentine offering? A Clark bar and a stuffed monkey from The Dollar Tree?

Besides a girlfirend today would have made this day only more frustrating as I would have had to make her drive, taken her to Rally's to eat, and been forced to admit my lacking financial prowess. Now many of you are saying, "you don't have to spend money on your loved one on Valentine's Day." All of you saying that are girls who did get something on Valentine's Day or older women who've been married longer than seven years.

Here's a test to prove my point. Let's say your boyfriend colored you a picture for Valentine's Day and wrote on it in crayon 'i luv you' and the y was backwards. Pretty cute gift really and at least a stab at being creative I think.

You'd have all been pissed!
If you wouldn't have been I can be contacted at 260-750-0218!

But if, like I suspect, you're sitting there thinking that's an incredibly dumb idea, I offer up the truth that I am broke, not in a relationship, and that was the first 'free' idea that I came up with. I reassert, using the fact that that idea is ridiculous to further prove, that...

There is no way I could be in a relationship right now.

This reality creates a hope in me that I cannot explain. They've always told me that you'll find someone when you least expect it. Well I have $120 dollars, a crappy car, a poor relationship track record, no time for anyone, bad Valentine ideas, and metaphorically throbbing nuts. How much less expecting can I get?