You love this town even if that doesn't ring true. You've been all over and it's been all over you. It's a Beautiful day!

Sometimes I'm of the opinion that this is one of the three greatest bands of all-time and sometimes I am annoyed by them, but I'm never unaware of them. Today's title/lyric comes from U2 and their hit Beautiful Day, which I woke up to every day for a couple months when living with the roommate I tell the story on in this post. Click on the title to go to their website. May I suggest watching their video for Original Of The Species while you are there.

After my last post I got to thinking about my former roommate in Evansville and still a good friend of mine. For reasons of disclosure we'll call him...uh...Travis for the rest of this post.

(Travis) was in the National Guard and each semester would get a pretty hefty check cut to him for tuition and books as part of the G.I. Bill. (Travis), like me at the time to a much greater degree, began losing his hair, just a little in the front. It was barely noticeable, except that he constantly stood in front of the mirror and played with his hair and asked us numerous unhetero questions like 'does my hair look okay?' or 'have you noticed my hairline?' which were par for the course because he was always asking unhetero questions like that. We encouraged him he looked fine for the first few months and then decided it would be more fun to start making a big deal out of it, which was mean, but not totally a surprise if you know my friends. After a few more months of unhealthy obsession (Travis) decided he would use his next G.I. Bill to get a hair transplant, or graft procedure done. This was met with much skepticism and chiding by his peers especially from me, who at this time was receded to the front of both temples. But (Travis) was convinced this would boost his confidence-even though he was by far the best-looking of all my friends. Who's unhetero now?

Anyway, the day arrived for the procedure and who do you guess was asked to drive him to the clinic? That's right. His actually bald friend J.D.. I got up that morning, pretty early for me, especially on a Saturday, like at 8 or something and immediately pulled a baseball hat over my glistening forehead, and found my roommate at the mirror, taking his last look at inevitability before the U.S. Government changed all that. We got in my car and headed for the place, all the while I'm complaining about how unbald he is and how unnecessary this is to no avail. When we arrived, even though I had a hat on and he clearly was leading me in, the damn receptionist (who was dressed like a nurse (?)) asked me if I was the patient in one of the many George Costanza the world likes to crap on me moments this day would be providing. After (Travis) explained he was the patient, and we both saw the look she gave me, they ushered him away and told me I could wait in the waiting room.

I sat in the waiting room for about ten minutes, all the while with my hat on, surrounded by before and after pictures and magazines full of hair treatment medications, balms, and secret concoctions guaranteed to work. I got the feeling the receptionist/nurse was about to come give me the sales pitch, and I felt a bit like I'd been ratted out, so instead I approached her and asked if there were any reason I couldn't go across the street to the mall and come back to get (Travis). She told me that he would be about an hour. I hopped in my car and hit the mall at around 8:30 on a Saturday.

Have you ever been to a mall at 8:30 on a Saturday? Don't ever. It is a depressing place. Do you know who's at a mall on a Saturday at 8:30? No teenagers opening up the Bed, Bath, and Beyond or hanging out at the arcade. No college students hitting Starbucks or working at the Cell Phone island. No young people at all readying their days at HatWorld or the Jewlery Store. In fact there are no businesses open. No Food Court. No Footlocker. No Spencers Gifts, good for a ten minute timekill, but never bought anything from. No Suncoast Movie Company where I get ideas for what I'd like to buy online. No Book store. No Music store. Do you know what awaits you at 8:30 on a Saturday in a mall? Do you know who is there? Old people. More specifically, old fat people. And they are wearing skin tight sweat pants and jumpsuits that swish and they are walking back and forth like caged animals, either waiting for JC Penny to open or Cinnabun, and one can't tell which by the glares in there beady bespectaced eyes. I walked unkowingly into the middle of this geriatric excersise facility and wouldn't you know who I saw...church people.

It is the single worst part of my job. One cannot go anywhere without seeing someone from church in the town he works in. The Dentist's, the Doctor's, the Supermarket, the Movie Theater, the local bar, the local liquor store, the local pawn shop, the casino. They are all there, seemingly more innocent than you and always staring knowingly at your implied evil intentions. And here they were at the mall at the crack of dawn in matching His and Hers jumpsuits and visors, smiling that the Youth Director was before them on this happy day. I stopped and said hello, hoping that would be all. I knew these people, but I didn't know them really. There are some church people when seen at the above mentioned places makes those experiences more enjoyable. These were not those kind of church people. These were people I knew, but didn't know, you know?

As they walked toward me returning my hello the man asked if I was there to walk with them and I did good to say nothing in my head but 'no'. Although I was thinking about saying, 'I didn't bring a costume'. As I congratulated myself for the diplomatic wherewithall to just say that, the woman bent down, rubbed my belly like Buddha and said, "It wouldn't hurt you to walk a few laps." Suddenly the Hair Treatment Center seemed appealing. I wished them well vocally, even if I didn't mean it, turned right around and walked back to my car, drove to the Hair place and waited outside. (Travis) came out twnety minutes later or so, with a bandage around his head like they'd labotomized him. We went and got some drive-thru Hardee's and they messed up my order. After I ate the scraped off sandwich, having removed all the stuff I didn't wnat on it to begin with, I decided to got to bed. I'd seen this episode and what happened next was I got seen naked by Jerry's girlfriend after swimming in cold water. I thought dreaming was a better choice.

(Travis) spent a good part of the next few months obsessing over the surgery. To be honest I could never see a difference and he suffered from a lot of teasing that he culd've avoided and spent a lot of money he could've used in other ways. Perhaps it boosted his confidence and that made it all worth it. As for me, that day promted one of my many half-hearted diets. I've never really been skinny, but I might think about trying it some day. I think my next blog will be a rant about being Buddha-eque, cause I have a lot of observations worth sharing. I know I've gotten away from expressing deeper things in these blogs, but it's finals week so I've needed the outlet. Here's quote to think about or remember. Hope all of your mall experiences this holiday season are more uplifting and successful than the one reocunted here.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.
-Jackie Gleason